Calling for a Ban on Alcoholic Memoirs

I am on the quest for the perfect, recently published book. I'm in the mood for a contemporary novel or memoir but I can't find anything to my liking! I went to the bookstore and browsed the other day and I swear every freakin book I picked up was a pitiful memoir about an alcoholic, an alcoholic family member, or an alcoholic friend. Seriously! I mean, I liked The Liar's Club and I could still go for a depressing memoir if the stories are good enough. But please, how many of these books can a person take?

On the novel front, I was particularly looking for a book by a smart woman. Looking around the bookstore I went to, all of the displayed books that were written by woman were "chick lit." This is such an offensive term-- shouldn't (at least some of) these books written for "chicks" be smart and funny, not just about Prada and weddings? Not that I'm against either Prada or weddings, but perhaps they could be incorporated into something other than a "beach read."

Maybe my problem here is with the label. I don't want "chick lit" or a "beach book." I guess I need to describe the kind of book I'm searching for with a catchy moniker? Perhaps if I find a cute name for my ideal genre, the books will pour in.